Posts tagged ramblings

Went back home in the most horrible mood tonight, and cancelled my plans with the work team. To be honest, there wasn’t much of a plan, just people drinking and dancing. Not in the mood, I said.

I’m better now, drinking hot chocolate and listening to Pedro The lion. Planning my home decor. Wondering if I should write my stories in French or in English (What do you think?). Wondering if I’m good enough for that job. Worrying again and again about stuff. How silly it was to think I’d be different in another country. We’re still the same, wrapped in the same shadows. Whatever we do, Wherever we go.

I should learn to get along with my own self. I really should.

• Wrote some music related stuff, it was nice. You’ll read it soon, maybe.
• Got my National Insurance Number appointment, AT LAST. 
• Finished Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Boy last night. So good. So good.
• North Laine action tomorrow
• Maybe the sea. it helps me thinking. (True story).

• The sun is here, finally! Reading on the beach was amazing
• My right side is sunburnt
• Mockingjay is one of the most depressing books ever. (spoiler alert for the few ones who haven’t read it yet) I loved how smart it was, though. At first I wasn’t convinced by some facts (mainly Snow/Coin related), but I see now that is was better to go against expectations.Also really loved Katniss’s portrayal in the end, it makes her even more real to see that she haven’t overcame her trauma/issues. Love the ending, not the “happy ever after” kind. I wish more Young Adult books were like this. I like the fact that Suzanne Collins takes her readers seriously. No “cheesyness”. Real feelings, real ending. And now, I’m a total wreck. Maybe not the best time to read Portia de Rossi’s memoir.
• Little decision made, but not really a surprise : giving up on the stories I’ve been writing since last year. I don’t feel excited about it anymore, and since a French TV show ( to be broadcast this fall) is really similar to my little short stories collection, I don’t think it’s necessary for me to continue. You may have noticed that I write quite regularly here though, meaning the fun is still here. I am inspired, too, inspired by the town, by my own feelings and thoughts…I need to put it in order now, for a real and solid story to emerge. (I can also apply to rewrite steamy romance books at H********. The future is unwritten).
• Starbucks Macchiatos at £1. Thank you Morrisons.
• My hosts (and friends) are pretty fun when they watch a movie together. Maybe I should write about them!

Throwing stuff away.

I feel guilty, just like the time when I ripped a letter from an ex in pieces…I don’t know, I always struggle with moving on. Ha, goodbye magazines and old stuff and old flyers and you and him, and him too!

I’m leaving France next week. This flat is a battlefield.

(yes I should be studying, hush you)

disclaimer : in no way I pretend to be an expert, so these thoughts might seem silly, ill-informed, and all. Feel free to correct me, to debate, that’s what I’m here for :)

I really like Feministe. The articles are always well-documented and insightful, and I like going through the archives…and today I’ve found this one http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2008/07/23/feminist-porn-sex-consent-and-getting-off/

I didn’t come across this article by chance though, as I am genuinely fascinated with in the pro-sex/feminism relationship, which can be surprising when you know me, because I have this love/hate, curiosity/fear relationship with sex and body image. Plus, I confessed earlier on this tumblr that I wasn’t really familiar with porn. But, maybe that’s why I keep reading about this, you know.

Anyway, questions that cross my mind  : Is porn a way to assert yourself as a feminist? Is sex the ultimate freedom? Can you use sex as a ‘weapon’ to accept your image? I use the term ‘weapon’ here because, for what I hear/see, sex, especially in the public sphere (porn, sex work)  is seen as offensive, negative.

So yeah, questions. I really should go back to studying now.

edit : interesting links to go further. Porn is a hot topic in feminist convos, but some people try to change things…or at least talk openly about it

http://www.thevine.com.au/life/art/getting-hot-and-bothered-with-feminist-porn/

http://bitchmagazine.org/post/to-porn-or-not-to-porn

First day after holiday depresses me. I always end up doing nothing and wandering like a ghost in my flat. So much to do, though. So much to pack, finish and clean before new life.

25 days.

Is it possible to be happy when things aren’t perfect?

Is it okay to leave people behind, if that makes you grow up?

Is it okay not to chose between “teenage” passions and an “adult” life?

What does adult mean, really?

26. I’m a grown-up in the making.

• Moving Mountains
• Sunny errands
• Blues
• Belgian Beers
• Lemons
• Black dresses
• to-do lists
• Lush

Back in Paris. 40 days (or something) till the Big Move. Had a blast in London. Gigging again tonight, then more travels, more fun, more revisions, more everything to forget about the usual issues. It’s okay, I just need to survive. I just need to move on.

Sunny days warm my heart.

I’m trying to convince myself that, no matter if I get graduated or not, at least I tried, and that as long as I can write and translate a bit I’ll be happy, and that I’m moving soon and how it was a dream and it’s now almost real, and that I’m yet to discover new things…

I think it’s working. Slowly. Kinda.

I spent the weekend dancing, my teenage self would have been so proud. Endless nights. James Murphy looks like Captain Haddock.  I don’t like people chatting me up. Crackity Flynn get better and better. Support your local scene. Last night (this morning) I ended up with some hardcore boys who sang bad French songs on the Metro. They were Thursday fans. I’ve danced on a Rihanna/Papa Roach mashup. I am a fake straight-edge.

fresh croissants at 7.30 am.

Blue sky.

I slept all day long.